The Poisoning

This is an entry from my journal describing my recent experience with carbon monoxide poisoning over the weekend.

I was working at home in the basement cutting a trench in the foundation in order to put in a drain for what will be the new laundry room some day. The chop saw for concrete was gas powered. I brought in the shop-vac attached to a long drain hose that went all the way outside in order to pull in fresh air. This obviously was not enough. I would take breaks outside, then go back in and cut some more. I did this over the space of about 4 or 5 hours. I ignored my headache. I ignored the CO detector. I ignored the smoke alarm.  Driven to complete the task I kept working despite all the blatant warnings to not proceed.

 I was getting fatigued and the headache got worse. Late that night Mom took me to the emergency room to get my blood checked. They put me on oxygen and drew my blood. When the test came back they found the carboxyl level was at 15, where 10 is dangerous and requires treatment, and that was hours after I had stopped working. In order to get the carbon monoxide out of my system before it caused permanent nerve damage and brain damage I was transported by ambulance to Utah Valley Regional Hospital in Provo. There awaited a hyperbaric chamber; which is basically a large tank that simulates diving to various depths under seawater by compressing the air in the tank. While at 66ft I was given 100% oxygen to replace the carbon monoxide in my blood cells with oxygen. This is necessary because the CO attaches much easier to red blood cells than O₂. So by putting the body under that much pressure the CO is forced out of my skin and the O₂ I breathe is circulated into my blood. My first dive was to be for 3 hours. 

Before entering, Trevor and Dad gave me a blessing of healing, promising that the poison would leave my body and that there would be no long-term effects. I remember Dad distinctly saying that the genius of modern medicine would “assist” in this priesthood blessing. It was a reminder that the Priesthood presided in that healing process, and that modern medicine was the assistant. Amazing.

Annette was the nurse who helped me with my first dive. She was very kind and didn’t seem bothered at all to be called into work at such an hour. The experience was amazing. To feel the air get warmer as the air compressed and air molecules got closer together was fascinating. At 66ft depth I couldn’t whistle and could only speak in a “smurph” voice, which was VERY entertaining.  In order to administer the oxygen I had a collar that sealed around my neck, and a transparent dome shaped helmet/bag that was put over my head. I must admit it caused a bit of claustrophobia to arise, but I quickly put it back down as I breathed deeply the oxygen. The rest of the time was occupied by watching the movie “Hook”, the bag over my head was big enough to accommodate headphones.

When I was done Annette asked a few questions for the sake of research. One question she asked caused me to ponder, “why did you take out the carbon monoxide detector after it went off”? I couldn’t answer her without feeling dumb, but I manned up and said, “Honestly, I thought I was better than the detector”.  I then waited for Chris to pick me up and take me home. I went back that day only after 2 hours of sleep for another 2hr treatment, and another at 3pm till I was pronounced clean.

So, I was thinking while eating dinner at home of all the implications this lesson has. I could almost hear Mormon say “thus we see…” Let’s look at this: there was an invisible and an undetectable element that is poisonous to the body. There were advanced and accurate detectors beyond human ability that warned of the invisible threat saying, “Leave! Get to fresh air immediately!” That was ignored. Because it was ignored, immense pain and fatigue followed. A tiring and lengthy healing process was in order. Something striking about this particular situation is that a poisoned body was going to sustain irreversible damage if not remedied soon. But thanks to the priesthood and trained physicians a poisoned body was cleaned and restored.  Thus we see…  and I’ll let you fill in the rest. 

Humility

I just thought of something,
I have recently been humbled (rather than humbling myself), and I have learned the truly enabling quality of humility.
It's paradoxical how we desire to be in a state of complacency or think well of our current state, yet the moment we think we have sufficient humility is same moment we've lost it. So having been placed in the humble state, I'm able to see my errors and do something about them. Ironically part of my motivation to correct those errors is so that I return back to that state of complacency where I can start coasting again. Here we see the reason we need to stay humble is so that we can actually see our errors and weaknesses and fix them. You can't correct something you can't see or don't know about. Being in a humble state means your getting things done in order to construct yourself into something better.

Conditional Friends

I just thought of something and decided it was extra baggage that I needed to write down.

(UNDER REVISION)

It so nice to be in the company of friends; those who you can laugh with, tell stories with, discuss deep topics, and even dare to ask advice from. Being in the company of good friends brings feelings of comfort, security, and social importance.

It is truly astonishing though how quickly the important times can be forgotten, erased from memory, and consideration of a friendship thrown away on a whim. Little did I know that the measure of good feeling in a friendship could be matched, or surpassed by the pain of betrayal.

This entry doesn't only have to do with the infidelity of friends, but identifies the foolhardy cause of such outrage against me (as will later be described).

Dependency on technology: Who would've known that dependency on technology would quickly have a polarizing effect on who is a true friend?

An everyday convenience malfunctioned one day which affected a large group of friends. My services in troubleshooting tech-y problems were briskly requested, and I did my best and got it to work again. But I found out soon that the solution only benefitted some users and not others. I continued to try to get it to work but with no success. The next simple and relatively inexpensive solution was to upgrade the outdated technology. This of course wasn't good enough, it needed to be fixed that very moment, yet it was beyond my skills.
Suddenly I became a villain and they were the victims. My failure to fix the problem became the cause of the problem, and in an instant I was treated as the enemy. Defending my self at that point only fanned the flames, and they could not be quenched. Considerations for my plans for that night sizzled away in those flames, and in frustration I abandoned my vaporized plans and gave it one more go. I promptly fixed the problem, and left them with the words "it's fixed".

I try to understand that they didn't mean it, and that they were only turned against me by there childish frustration, and I'm sure they don't remember what happened or realize how they treated a friend,but who would've known that such simple thing could indicate who your true friends are.

Fear of Being Wrong

Recent experience has reminded me that it hurts to be so wrong, especially when I've been so sure of my position. With that comes a fresh wound of sheepishness, which sting is augmented by the public eye.
Of course I didn't want to feel alone in my pain, so I was acutely aware of the sight of that same fear in others.I especially feel sheepish when this happens because I was sure I was the type of person that was always open to differing opinions or being okay if I was wrong. But APPARENTLY it still hurts to be wrong.

I've realized that fear of being wrong is rooted in pride, and when applied to a broad group I came up with the following conclusion.
The majority of the problems in this world remain unresolved, and are even furthered by mankind's fear of being wrong. For every wrong scenario in this world there doesn't have to be a cackling evil master-mind behind it all, but simply a slew of people that fear being wrong, and fail to submit to better idea, or the seemingly audacious truth.

So my point is we'd all to better to not be silly and not be afraid of being wrong, but welcome any influence that leads you to the right idea, what's good, and yes even the truth.

Expectations

Expectations seldom are matched by reality, so why is it always expected we change our expectations? Why can't reality change for once?

The Wings of Time

Time flies on fast wings. I feel like sometimes it flies silently, and other times with force and direction, and even sometimes slow and suspended in air. As time has gone by it's been really enjoyable, much more than I imagined. I feel like a curious passenger on the wings of time, where will time take me next?

Burn them bridges, burn them down

So, why build a bridge at all if you're going to burn it? and why burn a bridge you put so much time and effort into building it? ...striking questions I presume...